My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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