Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize