Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize