She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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