WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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