My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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