She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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