Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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