Your face is a jimmy john
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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