just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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