He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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Do I have a choice?
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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