proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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