Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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