Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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