You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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