I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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