His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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