dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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