I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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