guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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