you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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