I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize