my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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