I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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