two words: eviction party
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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