I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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