one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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