remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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