suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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