good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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