if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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