Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All I want is dick and wine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize