Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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