I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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