Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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