there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize