She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Randomize