It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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