toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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