So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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