So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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