dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize