I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My vagina is officially offended.
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Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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