making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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