oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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