You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize