i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize