I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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