Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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