Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize